Hello Beautiful

This is the blog of christopher E. graham.  Here I will archive some writings, do some new writings, and possible revise some writings.

The category Fiction Writing are stories and pieces that I have been working on over the years.

The category ramblings are mostly lucid thoughts, and attempts at an emergent philosophy

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Stargazers (or something else more clever) – Dream Notes

Rouge is energetic mouse like anthro creature with horns that is early 20 something. Living with the family, their parents Carmine and Vermilion, an older sibling Umber, and a grandparent Wine. They all live on in a reasonably sized but quaint home on a farm that is tended to by the whole family. Umber being rather serious, perhaps the only serious one in the family, is determined to take over the farm one day and puts all their energy into that. Rouge, through an obsessive absorption of fantasy media, believes their personal destiny is among the stars. Carmine and Vermilion want to support their child, though they are unsure how. Though with more than enough help from Umber and Wine (who is old but very keen and versed in many skills), they let Rouge do whatever Rouge thinks will get them to their destiny. Rouge spends a lot of time exploring and getting all there is to know about the planet and other places. As a result this has led to this has lead Rouge to make friends in various places, who caught by Rouges infectious spirit have all become star gazers.
Rouges friend Quince is a anthro bug like creature that has a carapace made of various plants and minerals. She lives in a larger town and noticed Rouge for the first time, as Rouge was bounding from some of the higher buildings one night. She tracked Rouge to a tall building and founder her just looking up at the stars. She approached Rouge quietly and Rouge pulled a fruit and a book from her pack. Rouge not even looking offered them to Quince. Quince being herself took the fruit and started eating it. She flipped through the pages of the book and found it was fantasy comic about an explorer of worlds discovering mysteries of the universe. Quince started to share her desires to travel, and they both spent the night gazing at the stars. Her species is fairly attuned to the planet and can produce magical effects given the right materials and time. Quince is a big eater (part of her magical power is tied to the energy she generates from food) and dreams of visiting other planets for delicacies and discover if they share similar heart beats with the current world.
Another one of Rouge’s friends is Spade. Spade is a large pensive salamander like anthro creature that before encountering Rouge lived in self enforced solitude due to his aggressive and competitive nature brought on by time spent leading a now dismissed clan. Upon Rouge wandered into Spade’s territory, He mistakes Rouge for an assassin. Though he has sworn not to kill anymore he pursues Rouge, and to his surprise finds Rouge tricky to pen down. Eventually they come face to face and upon closer inspection realizes Rouge has no intention of a fight. Rouge explains themselves and tell Spade about wanting to go among the stars. Spade having respect of Rouges sharp mind and resourcefulness, tells Rouge that should the journey begin he will help with the rough parts.

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Forcing ones ideologies as the way, under the guise of the burden of responsibility to the other, is a detriment to all agents involved. Inspiration from exemplary behavior under ones framework shows the greatest honesty.

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Self awareness is hubris, instinct is naivete. The challenge is balancing the dissonance created by both to unlock the potential that is humanity.

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Inner Calm Can’t

There is a place where I can go and nothing follows me.
Most of the time this place is a horrid quagmire of conflict and doubt.
Hilariously enough brought on by my inability to react to those that,
ultimately cannot touch me in this place.
Though at times it is a tranquil shallow pool.
When I am fully submerged even the terrible self inflicted miasma cannot touch me.
Like a cloud of hornets in a cartoon that becomes confused as to my whereabouts.
Giving up the search after a period of time.
So why can I not find this oasis all of the time?
What is it about my own inner calm that, for much of the time, cannot be calm?

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In the long run despair seems way more pragmatic than humor.

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Burning With Anger, Smoldering With Indifference

I remember I used to want to watch the world burn by my hands, but realized this was a reaction to my own helplessness. Now that I have embraced despair I am content to watch it fizzle out, as it would do with or without my intervention.

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The pursuit of ontology and an ever growing intellect does not require one to become a curmudgeonly malcontent, it’s just one of those extra little perks.

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Seven – Sunny Day Real Estate – Diary – Oct 7 2015, Words on Thoughts

That nostalgic feeling of songs relevant to personal epochs past. Such a wash of feelings swirls with tar and cloves and pot smoke. Feeling an autumn breeze but not the lifeless one of today. No, rather the vibrant chill that sparkled in a young mind rife with as much anxiety as identity. To ask for these times again would be folly, but to appreciate them for what the landscape has become is a delicious indulgence.

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Money is not an indicator of character or humanity, identity solely based on capital acquisition is suspect at best.

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Sometimes it is more useful to turn the hyperbolic language in on oneself.

Everyone is horrible, and when one admits to themselves that they are horrible life becomes more honest, and adaptation becomes a much easier process.

There seems to be this notion to many people that they are somehow intrinsically good or right, but this simply is not the case. Each individual agent as they are themselves is in contention with all other agents they will interact with. It is only just to varying levels. I say they are in contention in that it is only until order introduced, often in the guise of sympathy for humans or some other form of understanding, are most beings more than crabs in a barrel at best and cannibalistic at worst.

This is why sympathy is so misleading. It is an honest effort for survival within a social context, but you can never penetrate the experience of the other. The best is an approximation based on your experience, which is not only a dangerous thing that cannot be verified, but is also given to ones individual biases ultimately to be projected onto others encountered.

So what does this come to? If one is a bigot, and in this purely the lack of tolerance and understanding of ones supposed superiority over all others, they should just own up to it, for it is an inevitability. To clarify it is not to meant that intolerant actions should be accepted as whole socially, but rather one should be honest with themselves about their intolerance and superiority complexes. After becoming aware and owning it if there is still a turmoil and am uneasiness of the sustainability of a hard and fast identity within a changing social framework, than the obvious course is to address that particular terribleness about oneself and adjust ones identity.

For instance I know I’m a horrible person, this is and the meaninglessness of life are inescapable truths I have come to terms with. I am racist and classist, and probably some other –ists that I have yet to encounter. However instead of making attempts to defend myself at every altercation in some vain attempt to put myself in the right, I acknowledge that I am terrible and for the sake of survival I may have to adapt to the existence of individuals or collectives that I view in a less than ideal light, when the light is turned around on me.

This is not to say one should simply alter their identity at any complication, but the automatic defensiveness that comes with pride and the belief of the right self makes adjustments in life rather difficult.

I’m horrible, and so is each and every person on the planet. The human condition is not one saved by divine justice, but rather liberated through the realization of the impartial nature of the universe and the moderated selfish isolation one must maintain simply to survive.

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